KuroNeko's Society

 That awkward moment ....

• When you seldom smile because you don't feel like it but people think you're a arrogant snobbish anti-social jerk ..
• When you were talking to someone and realized that it was just the voice inside your head, but you kept talking to him/her/them anyway ..
• When you made plans to hang out with your friends this weekend and then suddenly remembered that you didn't have any friends ..
• When someone was talking to you and halfway through his story you realized that you didn't really care, but then you have to pretend that you were listening because you didn't want to seem rude ..
• When someone you hate did something hateful to you and you were thinking of ways to kill him and making it seems like an accident ..
• When something bad happens to someone , and everyone is emotional except you , but then you have to pretend like you're also sad to avoid offending someone ..
•  When you play too much Assassin's Creed and when you're walking behind someone you tried to assassinate him from behind using an imaginary hidden blade ..
•  When you're watching something gory on the web with other people and everyone was grossed out except you , and they asked you why aren't you disgusted ..
• When someone did something nice and unexpected to you and you're not sure how to react to that situation because you didn't get enough time to plan a good reply of gratitude ..
• When you woke up one day and realized that you hate everyone ..

I'm not sure I'm the right person to write this entry ..
Because let's face it , honesty isn't really my thing .. As most of my interaction with other human beings involves me faking a smile and striving to keep a straight face without giving sarcastic remarks , which I can HONESTLY say is a tedious and energy consuming job considering the fact that I face human stupidity on a daily basis ..

It is somewhat ironic when people spends most of their lives trying to fake theirs sincerity ..

Moving on ..
But what is SINCERITY really ?
In my limited knowledge in human virtue sincerity requires someone to be free from deceit , hypocrisy and lies in their actions and intentions .. Well that's a toughie ..
It is literally impossible for one to perform an undertaking and can be 100% certain that their actions are pure intentions without any other ulterior motives .. It's like killing germs with disinfectants products , at most you're gonna kill about 99.99% of those bastards ..

 "So why bother performing good deeds if you're not even sincere ?"
Let me answer that with another question ..
"Why bother killing those germs on your hands with hand sanitizer if you can't kill them all completely ?"
Same concept really , it's not about performing the deed and deciding whether your actions are purely on honesty .. But the very action which you took based on a clear conscious and free intentions are more than enough to prove your sincerity ..

Humans are weak , physically and mentally ..
We can't confidently say that all our intentions are pure .. There's bound to be an uncertainty and self-doubt in us .. But that's expected , the best you could do is to perform the deed and at the same time be hopeful about the sincerity of your actions .. Yeah , I know , toughie right ?

And I know this is gonna sound terribly cliché , but 'it's the thought that counts' ..

This may seems hard to believe ..
But I'm willing to give advice to those who asked for it ..

I don't really care much about anyone , or their business, or their whole lives for that matter ..
There are rare moments where I seemed like I cared , but that's probably just me pretending to , or I didn't get enough sleep the day before ..

So it's really a bizarre experience for me to actually play a role in someone's life ..
I dunno which is weirder , me giving advice or the people who asked for them ..
I'd advice them NOT to ask for my advice , but since I'm not using them anyway , instead I'll advice them to take them ..

What's the worst thing that could happen anyway ..
In the end , it will all come down to 3 simple outcomes :
- Nothing happens ..
- You fixed their problems ..
- You just messed up their problems even further ..

What people see as a burden of obligation and  responsibility of the ramifications of their advice to the person's life , I see as an opportunity of experiment ..
I like to apply the 'butterfly effect' on the subject and see the final aftermath of my actions on the subject's condition ..
Did I just help ? Or did I made matters worst ? Or have I caused absolutely no effect whatsoever ..

Made no mistake , I have zero intentions with toying with another person's life and far from disrupting it just for the sake of experiments ..
But with successful results , I can use the data to assist my fellow peers with similar problems to my subject ..
With failed result , I can attempt another experiment (not necessary with the same subject and similar situation) but with a different approach to see which advice can contribute to the best outcome ..

So basically , I'm helping people and studying them at the same time ..

I've seen an Indian being best friends with a Malay ..
They are my secondary school juniors ..

I've seen a girl with a full hijab and purdah on hanging out with a free-haired girl wearing skin-tight clothes ..
They are someone I met on the way home from class ..

I've seen a non-Muslim girl accompanying her Muslim friend while she was performing solat ..
They are my classmates in my university ..

I've seen a Chinese man happily married to a Malay woman ..
They are the parents of a friend of mine ..


Hmmm ..
So there ARE some hopes left for this world ..
 

I've heard from somewhere that if you change the way you look at things , you'll experience the world in a different perspective ..

Let me clarify on that ,


Assuming you're already figured how this f**ked up world works , in your head it's just a place filled with hatred , hostility , deceit , human ugliness and other awful things done by humans mostly .. By this your mind is probably set to 'pessimist mode' by default .. Everything you see has something wrong with it , everyone you meet are lying bastards , everything good thats happened to you seems too good to be true ..


You're suspicious about everything ..
Your paranoia consumes you ..
You're breaking ..

In the end , you're just as f**ked up as everything else is .. And with this preconceived idea , you mind will naturally go along with the assumption of having no alternative way out of this insanity ..
But apparently , there is ~


If , and only if you develop the ability to switch between the two modes ..
With sincere and free-willed decision on our part to condition our minds to accept the flaws of the universe , we are finally realizing that nobody nothing's perfect ..
This brand new sight will allow us to see the positivity in everything , the chances in every possibility , the reasons for every occurrence , the solace in every chaos ..

To paraphrase , we are the architects of our own life ..
It's entirely up to us to choose what kind of world we want to live in ..
Either we want to live a life filled with light and God's blessing ..
Or , we choose to suffer in a world of darkness set in Devil's script ..

Tough decision ? No .. But the process of converting and getting there is ..
Well , good luck with that .. I sincerely hope that you'll get further than where I am ..

<Insert awesome greeting for fellow imaginary readers here>

So here we are again , ANOTHER post about me .. Talk about a narcissistic cat huh ? (Remind me to write a post about that one later ..)

So yeah , I'm a very antisocial kind of person , which isn't all that surprising judging from my previous entries .. The question is , do I really have an antisocial personality disorder ? And to what extend ?
I've made a list of my 'something-is-wrong-with-me' .. Let's see :

- Tendency of disregarding others ..
- Hates going out in public ..
- Hates crowded places ..
- Have the tendency to disregard others ..
- Sometimes bipolar ..
- Irresponsible ..
- Rather be alone and isolated from others ..
- Failure to process emotions ..
- Incapacity to experience guilt ..
- Tends to procrastinate ..
- Inability to comprehend basic human traits ..
-Obsessive-compulsive disorder ..
- Deceitful ..
- Lacks empathy and remorse ..
- Difficulty to feel pain , emotional and physical ..

The list goes on and on , but I don't wanna seem like a nutjob so I'll just stop right there ..
Needless to say , I'm your typical certified introverted weirdo ..

So why am I telling you all this ? Hmmm , dunno .. Who knows .. Maybe it's nothing ..
Or maybe I'm just stringing you guys along until you're exactly right where I want you .. Mwahaha ~
<coughs>
Nahhh , it's probably nothing ..

Assalamualaikum ~







Well , what do you know ? Another post about myself .. Whoppee ~ Not ..
and I'm not even gonna apologize for my long absence , just not feeling like writing anything ..


So , some of you readers may have already got the gist of this post judging by the title and the creepy expressionless image of a random anime I picked up from google image .. But for you other guys who faces difficulty in comprehending the obvious maybe due to the fact that you guys are also suffering from a psychological illness such as myself , this post is about me suffering from an emotional deficit disorder .. (Not sure if it's a real disease though ..)

Not sure when did all of this started though , I wasn't always an empty shell .. As a kid , I lived my childhood filled with abundant amount and variety of emotions and , possibly , too much emotion .. I easily laugh , I used to cry all the time , I enjoyed the littlest things , I easily get attached to something .. Be it a positive or a negative emotion , I could switch back and forth from being sad to being happy faster that a bipolar diseased patient ..

But now ? I feel empty , not sad , not emo , not lonely , just nothing ..
I remember the time when I was mad at a friend for a particular reason , as I tried to get mad at him I realized that no matter much I wanted to get angry at him regardless of the gravity of the situation , I just can't .. Not that he means anything to me , hahahaha (that's a good one Kuroneko ..)
But then I tried to get mad for NOT being able to get mad , and guess what ? I couldn't do that either .. So in the end , I just said , "Mehh , f**k it .." And just move on with my life ..

But being an emotionless robot also has it's perks , but I think I'll save that one for another time .. Having a headache right now and not sure which emotion I should choose to pretend to have that would fit in this situation ..

So ummm , goodbye , whatever .. Mehh ~

So my birthday was on the 13th March , about 9 days ago ..

Yaaaaayyy ~ (not really)

I don't really care much about birthdays especially mine .. To me birthdays are just reminders that we have one year less until the day we die .. So , yeah it's kinda depressing if you think about it ..
I also don't quite comprehend the typical human behavior of celebrating these ordinary days with events consisting of cakes, balloons, candles, presents and other things .. And if you're a Malaysian , and studying in a higher educational institution like a college or a university , you'd probably get pranked on by your peers with throwing eggs , flours , being thrown into a river , and other 'fun' activities (and by fun , I meant fun for the people committing the prank) ..

So in a way , celebrating your birthday is like saying , "Yaaaaaayyy , I'm older now and closer to dying .."
Don't get me wrong , I don't HATE birthdays and I'm grateful to God for bringing me into this world .. But I just can't see the the reason to be celebrating it ..
Yeah , it's just me ~

Yes , I know .. A typical 'about me' post ..
Well since this IS a new blog , it is procedure for the blogger to begin with writing about himself even if his readers didn't even ask to share his personal information ..

So where to begin ?

Most people would write about how friendly they are , a happy-go-lucky kind of person , have many interest , would like to meet new friends , down to earth and caring , and other things they don't really mean ..

I would write about myself like that , but then I wouldn't want to sound so pretentious and fake .. So I'll just get straight to the point and tell you that I'm :
- Not a very pleasant person
- Very awkward
- Anti-social and a little bit sociopath
- Introvert
- Weird

Well , you guys get the idea .. =.=

Assalamualaikum ~

So , I still haven't figured out why am I still considering keeping a blog ..
It may seemed insignificant and unimportant to most people but for me , it really bugs me ..
I mean , everyone has to have a reason for doing this right ? They feel obligated to write something that's part of their life or others , but not me .. So what am I doing this for ?

To make a name for myself ?
To seek attention for others out there ?
As a creative outlet ?
As a hobby ?
As a chance to make extra money ?
To obtain my 15 mins of fame ?
Because I like writing ?
Hoping to find others like me ?
In search of a revelation ?
Chasing my dream of being a freelance writer ?
Creating a potential career choice for my future ?
As a method of self preservation and relaxing myself ?
To complain about everything that's been going wrong in my life ?
To show off how awesome my life has been ?
To express my thoughts and opinion ?
As a method of advertising and marketing?
To give advice and help others out there ?
To make a difference in the world ?

I could think of numerous reasons for someone to start a blog .. But that's just it , not one of those reasons are mine .. So why am I doing this ?? Hmmmm ~
I just hope that I figure it out someday , and hopefully it's a good damn reason .. Insyaallah ~ :/

Again , some of my EARLIER works ..
So sue me if it's not good enough for your standards ..

Assalamualaikum ~
Here's some of my earlier artwork ..
Just posting it here to make it seems like I update my blog frequently .. =P


Hopefully there's more where these came from , Insyaallah ~ Bye ~

 Assalamualaikum ~
So ummm .. I finally decided to get started on this blog .. Been under a lot of pressure lately .. But lets just skip the part where I'll try to make myself less guilty for my long absence in this blog with some lame excuses like studying for my finals or something ..

As I said in my previous post , I was considering managing two blogs (one for my writing and one for my artworks) instead of one , but I haven't given it much thought when I said that .. It's hard enough keeping track of one , let alone two blogs .. So I have decided to keep this new one and deactivate the old one ..

For now , I'll keep the old one seeing that this new one is not fully prepared yet .. There are a few minor adjustments thats need to be done , like designs , fonts , css , html script errors .. So far it's going well .. :)

So , that's it for now .. I'll try to update as soon as I can .. Bye ~